“Exams nearing, study hard, follow time table, sleep for 6hrs, no tv, no entertainment, keep your cell off…….”, probably the list goes on and on…. I emphasize on my students to follow all of these, ok great, now what?
Retrospective is a beautiful word, let me look back the way I came, my immediate people, family, especially Amma, always told me, "ಓದು ಓದು...." hmmm, the word itself became a pain in the wrong place, than studying, I spent most of my time throwing tantrums at Amma, and yelled, “Give me some space…..”
She kept on doing what she was good at, and I kept on doing what I was good at, kept the book in front of me and immediately off to my creative world, guess what, I mastered the art, and I became the greatest worrier of the problem which dint exist. The D day came, had to face the inevitable, the +2 exams, gave it a shot, returned home, Appa asked, "ಹೇಗೆ ಮಾಡಿದೆಯೋ ?", "ಚನ್ನಾಗಿ ಮಾಡಿದೀನಿ", I replied, with an elaborated cheek. But, deep down, I knew, I had written a letter to the chemistry invigilator asking for 35 marks, uhhhh!!!
Results was announced, my friends and family were keen to know, but I knew about my results from the day one, wasn’t exited at all, Jagga(one of my best friends) gave a call home and said, " ಮುರಳಿ, ನಿಂದು ೩ ಸಬ್ಜೆಕ್ಟ್ ನಲ್ಲಿ ಹೋಗ್ಬಿಟ್ಟಿದ್ಯೋ .....", Silence…..Silence…..Silence all over, internal voice also stopped responding, now what? Nowhere to go, nothing to do. To add a flavor, my neighbor aunt asks my Mom, “ಏನಾಯ್ತು ರೀ ಮುರಳಿ ರಿಸಲ್ಟ್ ರಾತ್ರಿಯೆಲ್ಲಾ ಓದುತ್ತಿದ್ದ ಡಿಸ್ಟಿಂಗ್ಷನ್ ನಲ್ಲಿ ಪಾಸ್ ಆಗಿರಬೇಕು ಅಲ್ವಾ?”, Amma sobbed, “ ಇಲ್ಲಾರೀ, ೩ ಸಬ್ಜೆಕ್ಟ್ ನಲ್ಲಿ ಫೇಲ್ ಆಗಿದಾನೆ”, I overheard their conversation, world came down crashing, why should Amma cry if I fail, tears ran through my cheek too. I was both angry and helpless at the same time. My eyes are still wet as I am keying these thoughts. Appa was a higher official in revenue dept, he had initiated a scheme, the kids of BMP (Bengaluru Mahanagara Palike) employees will be awarded the cash price if they secure a first class or more in the board exams. Such a paradox, “ನನ್ನ ಮಗಾನೆ ತೊಗೊಲ್ಲಿವಲ್ಲಾ…..”, Appa shrugged. The scar is still fresh.
I had no answer, both for Amma and Appa, worse I had no answer for myself too. Amma, was and is a great human, her love never dipped downed even a inch, she still served food with that same intensity of love. But, I was not able to gulp even a morsel, conscience shouted loud and clear, “Murail, you don’t deserve it ಕಣೋ …..”
Days passed, years rolled, probably all of my people now have even forgotten I was a +2 flunk once, its history now. So what if I couldn’t get a seat for Engg, now I train Engg students, I flaunt. But, as I look back, I have no answer for the pain and agony which I caused for my loved ones. Did they deserve it, ABSOLUTELY NO!!!!!!
If given a chance, I would go back to that phase of my life and rewrite my destiny again. But, time missed is time lost. If you still think it’s OK to fail, THINK AGAIN!!!!! “After all, you will be the sole lone person responsible for whatever you did and whatever you dint!!!”
Retrospective is a beautiful word, let me look back the way I came, my immediate people, family, especially Amma, always told me, "ಓದು ಓದು...." hmmm, the word itself became a pain in the wrong place, than studying, I spent most of my time throwing tantrums at Amma, and yelled, “Give me some space…..”
She kept on doing what she was good at, and I kept on doing what I was good at, kept the book in front of me and immediately off to my creative world, guess what, I mastered the art, and I became the greatest worrier of the problem which dint exist. The D day came, had to face the inevitable, the +2 exams, gave it a shot, returned home, Appa asked, "ಹೇಗೆ ಮಾಡಿದೆಯೋ ?", "ಚನ್ನಾಗಿ ಮಾಡಿದೀನಿ", I replied, with an elaborated cheek. But, deep down, I knew, I had written a letter to the chemistry invigilator asking for 35 marks, uhhhh!!!
Results was announced, my friends and family were keen to know, but I knew about my results from the day one, wasn’t exited at all, Jagga(one of my best friends) gave a call home and said, " ಮುರಳಿ, ನಿಂದು ೩ ಸಬ್ಜೆಕ್ಟ್ ನಲ್ಲಿ ಹೋಗ್ಬಿಟ್ಟಿದ್ಯೋ .....", Silence…..Silence…..Silence all over, internal voice also stopped responding, now what? Nowhere to go, nothing to do. To add a flavor, my neighbor aunt asks my Mom, “ಏನಾಯ್ತು ರೀ ಮುರಳಿ ರಿಸಲ್ಟ್ ರಾತ್ರಿಯೆಲ್ಲಾ ಓದುತ್ತಿದ್ದ ಡಿಸ್ಟಿಂಗ್ಷನ್ ನಲ್ಲಿ ಪಾಸ್ ಆಗಿರಬೇಕು ಅಲ್ವಾ?”, Amma sobbed, “ ಇಲ್ಲಾರೀ, ೩ ಸಬ್ಜೆಕ್ಟ್ ನಲ್ಲಿ ಫೇಲ್ ಆಗಿದಾನೆ”, I overheard their conversation, world came down crashing, why should Amma cry if I fail, tears ran through my cheek too. I was both angry and helpless at the same time. My eyes are still wet as I am keying these thoughts. Appa was a higher official in revenue dept, he had initiated a scheme, the kids of BMP (Bengaluru Mahanagara Palike) employees will be awarded the cash price if they secure a first class or more in the board exams. Such a paradox, “ನನ್ನ ಮಗಾನೆ ತೊಗೊಲ್ಲಿವಲ್ಲಾ…..”, Appa shrugged. The scar is still fresh.
I had no answer, both for Amma and Appa, worse I had no answer for myself too. Amma, was and is a great human, her love never dipped downed even a inch, she still served food with that same intensity of love. But, I was not able to gulp even a morsel, conscience shouted loud and clear, “Murail, you don’t deserve it ಕಣೋ …..”
Days passed, years rolled, probably all of my people now have even forgotten I was a +2 flunk once, its history now. So what if I couldn’t get a seat for Engg, now I train Engg students, I flaunt. But, as I look back, I have no answer for the pain and agony which I caused for my loved ones. Did they deserve it, ABSOLUTELY NO!!!!!!
If given a chance, I would go back to that phase of my life and rewrite my destiny again. But, time missed is time lost. If you still think it’s OK to fail, THINK AGAIN!!!!! “After all, you will be the sole lone person responsible for whatever you did and whatever you dint!!!”
